3 Words

Three words. That was all it took to catapult me from a confident girl to a self-conscious teen. The timing couldn’t have been worse, nor could the messenger.

Chubby Little Friend

Dad liked to take us on trips, my sister and me. We only saw him a few times a year since he and my mom decided to live 3,000 miles apart. This year’s trip was to Paris. I was in my teens, awkward, cherubic, and oblivious. It didn’t help that our luggage was lost on the flight over — what better way to throw teen girls into a tailspin. But it was the 3 Words that cracked my heart and have stung for 25 years.

Chubby Little Friend

Dad didn’t meant to hurt me. I doubt he realized how deeply the words cut into my young, female mind. He was just trying to connect with his admittedly chubby daughter after not seeing her for months.

Chubby Little Friend

Before the 3 Words, I knew I wasn’t skinny. My friends all weighed less than I did. But for some reason, I was confident in my size and height, almost proud of it. Everyone thought I was older and that was kinda cool (then).

Chubby Little Friend

After the 3 Words, I doubted myself, looking in the mirror hoping that what Dad thought wasn’t what everyone else thought. The irony was that Dad wasn’t super fit. Who was he to judge me? But that is my 40-year old mind protecting, rationalizing. All my 15-year old mind could hear was…

Chubby Little Friend

Back home in my mom’s more accepting presence, memories of visits to the Louvre and Eiffel Tower were hijacked by

Chubby Little Friend

Years were lost trying to shake that moniker. Dieting, binging, purging, overexercising, self-hating, accepting less than I deserved. Finally, after much self exploration and time, I’ve taught myself new words.

YOU ARE LOVED.

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.

YOU ARE STRONG.

YOU ARE AMAZING.

These are my new mantras. These are the 3 Words that my daughter will hear. These are the words that matter.